Today marks the first anniversary of the self-discovery of the tumor that rocked my world. One year ago today I found a lump while itching my breast because of allergies. One year ago I became a breast cancer fighter…
Sometimes it's easy to become complacent with life. It goes on whether you are ready or not. You fall into a routine and life just keeps moving. You'd think that such a big event…Breast Cancer…would be so life-altering that you wouldn't become complacent. You wouldn't take life for granted. You wouldn't forget that you're a fighter. You wouldn't forget that this is a lifetime event. Well, I did.
This year has started out about as normal as you can get in my life. By the end of January I have my first bout with Bronchitis. It's nothing to really write about as it happens so often to me each year. By the beginning of February I'm already into my second epidural trying to treat the numbness in my leg that is associated with a pinched nerve. No big deal. The norm. So, I find myself having nothing to say about anything particular on here and don't write. As such, I leave everyone wondering what's going on with me. I guess you could say that I had my rose-colored lens on for awhile. I mean, I have my chemo down to a science. Go to chemo. Go eat at Olive Garden. Become tired and bitchy for a few days. Then, rinse and repeat. Of course, I was only fooling myself. So, without further ado, here's my latest and greatest…
On February 18th, I head in to meet my new Gastroenterologist. My last one retired and over the last few months I find myself with extreme GERD/Acid Reflux. My medication isn't working for me anymore. I double up on it and still no dent in the pain and discomfort. He lets me know that he believes it's a little more serious than expected. He believes that I also have Bile Reflux from my liver. What? Bile Reflux? Huh? So, he changes my meds, schedules a scope on my esophagus and stomach. He also runs a crap ton of tests. Routine, right?
Blood work for my liver comes back abnormal. So, I return a couple of days later for more testing. While I'm getting blood drawn I ask the technician the purpose of the new test. She's hesitant with her answer and finally replies in a technical voice that the test is a Tumor Marker Test but that she doesn't know the reason why. Tumor Marker? I know what that is, you aren't fooling me with the technical term. Cancer? That's on the table? What? Is my imagination back? He also schedules an ultrasound on my liver. Hmm, I thought he said that an ultrasound wasn't necessary. So, when the nurse calls me to schedule more tests I ask if he's specifically testing for liver cancer. After a very long hold, she comes back and tells me that it is indeed to test for cancer. Seriously? Wouldn't my oncologist have detected one with my monthly tumor marker test? Ok, imagination, I'm not up for these games again. After much research I learn that there are different Tumor Marker Tests for different cancers. So, yes, my oncologist does a test for breast tumors, but not the rest of the body. Oh, great. Another scare. Fortunately, the results come back normal. I do not have a liver tumor.
On February 26th, I go in for my EGD (Esophagogastroduodenoscopy) with my mom-in-law. After the procedure, the doctor tells her that he stretched my esophagus to help with the small swallowing problem I'm having. It feels like things are stuck in my throat quite often. He also informs her that I have a Hiatal Hernia and a red stomach. Maybe that's why my upper abdomen hurts? He removes some polyps to biopsy and I get the report not too long after. The red stomach is Chronic Gastritis. No tumors found. Great. I didn't know we were looking for tumors. I'm kind of getting sick of that word.
On February 28th, I have my abdominal ultrasound shortly after I finish my latest round of chemo. Side note, it's not fun to go without food the morning of chemo. The technician measures, photographs, etc. my liver. I'm starting to feel a little worried again. Am I imagining things? Is she taking an extra long time? Please don't let it be anything serious. The results come in a few days later and just like everything in my life, it's not a simple answer. The ultrasound confirms that I do not have liver cancer. Yes! But, and there's always a but, I do have a fatty liver. Oh, man. Exhale. Fatty Liver Disease can be caused by many things, many of which I currently have…like obesity, diabetes, Sjogren's, certain medications (that I'm on), to name a few. And, while this isn't an immediate life-threatening illness like liver cancer would have been, it's still serious and is something I have to get in control. I have a lot of work to do to push this disease into remission.
On March 19th, I go to my follow-up visit with my gastroenterologist. I bring lots and lots of questions with me. Will my hernia repair itself over time? Why am I having more trouble swallowing after the stretched esophagus? Chronic Gastritis? Am I worried? My medication for the bile reflux is leaving me nauseous and with a stomach ache. What gives? Fatty liver? Yikes! What do I do? Oh, by the way, what's this line on the CT scan I had last year for my oncologist? I know it has something to do with my intestines. To say I overwhelmed him (This was just a sample of my questions.) is an understatement. So, he addresses everyone one subject at a time. Chronic Gastritis - very mild and you are already taking meds for it. Good to know. Hernia - it's common and shouldn't bother you. Eat bland things. Boo! Bland foods suck. Fatty Liver Disease - Change your diet and lose weight. It's not serious yet. Ok, as soon as I can figure out what I CAN eat, I'll get on this. It's do-able. Having trouble swallowing - Well, this is not the usual. I've only known 2-3 people who had trouble after the stretching and they had neurological problems. This is not the usual. Hey, doc? NOTHING about me is usual. Ever! Nice to meet you. Let's set you up with a Barium Study and see if you are having problems with your muscles or nerves. What am I not having problems with, sheesh. CT Scan results - Deep Breath (maybe this needs it's own paragraph.)
As he reads the one line from an old CT Scan result page, I get a sense of deja vu. Did his expression change or is it my imagination? He exhales deeply and asks me if he ignored this the last visit. I assure him that this is the first time I'm showing him because it was something that I just remembered from last year. I just didn't understand the wording and was hoping he could tell me what it meant. "This changes things. This is serious. Okay, (worried look on his face) we're going to have to do a colonoscopy. This line means that you could have a tumor in your intestines. Something is blocking the uptake. Now, I'm probably overreacting and it's nothing to worry about." Yeah, that's what your face is showing. Holy crap, another tumor scare. How much more can I take? Will it never end? Seriously, Imagination, I need you. I don't want to cry again, I don't want to cry again. ***exhale*** "I just think it's better to be overly cautious because you have cancer than to sit here wondering. Okay, I can handle that. Overly cautious because I already have cancer. It doesn't mean anything.
So, today, March 25th, on the one year anniversary of saving my own life by feeling a tumor, I am going in for my Barium Swallow Study. The weight of it all feels so heavy and I can't help but to sit here and think of the irony of going through all of the motions all over again one year later. I'll go in today, eat foods starting with liquids and ending with solids, while they take X-rays of my esophagus. They will be checking my muscle function, my nerve function, as well as looking for signs of tumors, complications from the hernia, etc. I guess my one and a half months of ignorant bliss is over. This really is a lifetime battle. I will always have cancer. I will always have scares. I will always be a cancer fighter. I will never forget again and I am making it my mission to make sure no one else forgets the strain, fear, and loss that cancer causes for those struggling with it and for those with loved ones diagnosed with it.
On April 1st, I'll go into the hospital for my Colonoscopy to check for tumors. He'll also do another EGD to stretch the esophagus and check it out. Again, in another bit of irony, this will be one year to the day that I had my diagnostic mammogram and ultrasound done. Is it a coincidence or is it foreshadowing? My Instincts and Imagination are screaming at me. Well, maybe just my imagination. I mean, it really is doubtful that I have a tumor that hasn't been detected. So, I'll be the first to admit that the feeling in my gut may just be a little off and a little on edge.
Then again, is anything ever simple with me? We'll see.
