The Coach is A Jerk. The following week I'm sick..mostly sick from worry. This is the week I have my mammogram and biopsy and am still waiting on results. I ask David to go to practice for me and give him some drills for the forwards. The coach uses him as a ball retriever and that is it. During the following game the kids run and play their hearts out. It is a better game, but they are exhausted by the end of the game. No one is playing positions and they are all running the entire length of the field for 120 minutes. The parents are so proud, but I can see the anger in the coach's eyes. I know he is going to yell at those children. I hate it when I'm right about things like this.
I rush to the place where the team is meeting and where the coach is lecturing. He is yelling at the kids, pointing them out individually, terrorizing these kids. He is yelling at the goalie, telling him that he is awful and has let more goals by then the other goalie has let by all season. He berates one child for kicking the dirt and not paying attention. Then he proceeds to attack another child for being too aggressive, telling him that he is going after people instead of the ball. He then demonstrates this by tackling (and catching the kid before he falls) the child, knocking the breath out of him. At this point, I'm vibrating with anger. If the child's mother wasn't beside me I wouldn't have been able to control myself. I stay quiet because I do not want to attack this man in front of the children. It takes all self-control to stay where I am. After this, he points out one child and says he was the only kid hustling and running the entire game. Everyone else, according to him, gave up. What? My child ran the entire game and he made wonderful plays. These kids were exhausted! And, as if he weren't being an ass enough, he follows with the "we're going to run the entire practice for not trying" spiel.
Oh, I am mad! I immediately grab my child and tell him not to listen to the coach. He looked great and he would not be going to the practice. I raise my voice and say that the coach needs to run since he didn't know how to coach. By this point, other parents hear me and finally figure out that the coach was going crazy. They start talking, and the ball finally started moving. Enough is enough! The team mom calls me a couple of hours later and informs me that we are going to have a parent meeting with the coach. Poor, naive souls think us talking to him is going to change him. Yeah, right. The guy is a grade A D-bag and nothing is going to change that! But, I'll go to the meeting and voice my concerns with everyone else.
Haha, the Meeting is a Joke. Essentially, we try to voice our concerns and he yells. He tries to say running is common when teams fail. I counter with "it's not the kids' fault that they haven't been taught their positions, that's your fault as a couch." He counters with, "I taught them positions the first day." I counters with, "hahahahaha". Yeah, I think I just p*ed him off more. Then he starts making excuses, we counter. It keeps going back and forth. I tell him it isn't okay to behave this way and he steps at me raising his voice. I step at him and tell him he needs to watch himself because I'm not a child and he isn't going to talk to me that way. He gets really mad, stomps his foot, says he doesn't have to put up with this, and runs away like a child. Really? Adults act this way sometimes? His wife tries to say that he asked for help and I didn't help. Excuse me? Who's been warming them up every game because the coach is late? Who offered help and was turned down because I'm a woman? P-lease! What a productive meeting.
He cancels the next practice with an excuse of an out of town emergency. The team mom asks me to fill in and coach. Sure, I'd love to help the kids. But, can it be that easy? Of course not! The coach informs her that I can't be on the field because I'm not a coach and don't have a background check. Guess what? I've had several background checks through the park. I've been a coach for years, so Ha! Finally, the team mom involves a board member, the head of the soccer division, and he okays my coaching for the day.
The Beginning of Change. I don't know how many people have been around abused children before, but it's a heartbreaking thing to see. That moment when you realize that you haven't done enough, you've let this child down, you didn't do something fast enough. I have this revelation at that next practice. The minute I gather the kids, I realize that we, the parents, failed our children. We waited too long. All I can do from this point is change their course, fight for them, and give them everything they need. As soon as I sit with them they ask me if I will be their new coach. They don't want him. Please, please, please be our coach. And, I have to tell them no. I vowed at that moment that he wouldn't be their coach for much longer. I teach them everything I can in that one hour and I try to have fun with them. I try to set them up for a better game and teach them positions while telling them that they have to listen to their coach if he says something different. During this practice, I see the kids team up on one of the other kids. They tell him that he sucks as goalie and that he's awful, and so on. I shut that down quickly. As I walk with him and tell him not to listen to them, he tells me something that will stick with me for years. "That's okay, when you've dealt with bullies at school forever, you learn to ignore them." What have we allowed to happen? These kids are attacking each other out of survival. He's taught them to be aggressive, mean, and ugly. There's no team here, only scared individuals. My heart breaks.
We meet with the first board member that night. Everyone is willing to give the coach another chance if he is willing to apologize. We just want him to change. Yes, we're willing to give him a two week probational period. And, that was the way the meeting was going. "NO! No, it can't happen this way," I speak up. "We've given him too much time with our children. He's not going to listen, he's not going to change. Two weeks is too long. This kids need help now." So, the board member agrees to one week probation with a board member watching the practices and game. Okay, I'll agree to that if the coach is willing to change. No yelling, cussing or aggressive behavior in any way.
His wife shows up at the next practice claiming to be the real head coach of the team. She practices with the kids as we all watch in anticipation. The second board member makes his way over to me and the rest of the parents. He gets our story and then questions the wife being out there. He says that the coach is not returning phone calls and they are going to have a meeting about everything and will let us know the outcome. Saturday, I'm informed that she will be the head coach and I will be the assistant head coach if I'm willing. I must be on the field with her at all times. They still haven't told the coach because he isn't answering his phone and it will all be official by the next practice. So, I show up at the practice and help her coach. We talk, communicate, and I follow her lead. He shows up and shows his ass for about 10 minutes, coaching the kids every time I open my mouth. Oh, boy, he wants to play games.
As the next game approaches, I talk to another group of parents. We agree that if he shows up to coach, we are both pulling our kids. I won't subject my child to another moment of this man's abuse. The other parents agree. I warm up the team because she is late again. We are ready to start lining up for the game when he shows up and calls them to him. I yell for my child as the other parents yell for theirs. I head to one board member as they head to another. The board members walk over to him and ask him to leave. He causes a huge scene, pulls his kid, and stomps off. We start the game with me as head coach immediately. No time to talk to the kids, no time to plan. Yeah, as one can imagine, that game didn't go so well. That's okay, ding dong the coach from hell is gone!
Starting Fresh. At the next practice, I let the kids know that I'm now the coach. They cheer. It's time to rebuild and start again. First, I have to build a foundation. I have to break the cycle of attacking each other. We are a team. We win as a team, we lose as a team. We run as a team, we have fun as a team. That was hard. They'd learned to finger point and attack each other. I had to break them of that bad habit. Positions, I had to teach them positions. With that, I had to teach them that all positions were important and that sometimes you had to play different positions. And, most importantly, I had to teach them to have fun. I had to teach them to laugh, smile, enjoy soccer. The next game, we come out as a new team. They play their positions, they talk to each other, they play soccer. So many people come up to me and thank me after the game. Yes, we lose, but we gain so much more that weekend.
The tournament weekend is upon us and we are feeling good. We're in this! The kids believe it, I believe it. We practice hard. I teach them basics, like throwing in and goal kicks. We're ready to show the world that we are here to stay. We lose the first game, but keep our heads up. We play hard our second game, and get a goal. How did we get the goal? Teamwork! Our midfielder passes to our forward and we score. Our goalie and defense keep the other team from scoring. WE WIN!!! I try not to cry as my kids coming running to me. We did it. Against all odds we win a game. No one else believed we would, but we did it.
We still get eliminated from the tournament, but that's okay. We already won. We overcame such a huge obstacle and we won. We had fun, learned a little about teamwork, and we won a game. I've never been so proud of a group of kids before as I am of this one. They never gave up and they didn't let that horrible coach win. Their determination was inspiring.
So, the reason I write this is because I felt like their story needed to be told. I was thanked by the parents, kids, other coaches, and referees. Thank you, they said, for taking your time to help those kids "What else could I do?" I say. "They needed me."
In truth, I needed them, too. They inspired me and helped me. They gave me a reason, a purpose, something to keep me busy during these hard times I'm going through. My family thought I was crazy for taking this team on with everything going on with me. I knew they were right, but I just had to help those kids. Those kids, who were unwilling to give up no matter what was thrown at them, inspired me. If they can be so brave and strong through their ordeal, I can be equally strong and brave through mine. And, most importantly, they gave me a sense of normalcy these last couple of weeks before my surgery. So, I thank them. Without them, I would have had the time to let the fear and doubt overwhelm me and win.
Thank YOU, Monkey Business. You've been a bright star during a dark night in my life. Thank you for sharing a piece of your sunshine with me. You helped me win another battle against cancer and I'll be forever grateful.
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