Yesterday, September 27th, was Chemo #4...the halfway point. I started the morning at 5:45am with a positive attitude and tried to keep it even with that sense of wrongness that lingered in the air telling me it would be better if I just went back to bed. I pushed through that, got Twin 2 (I really need some great code words for my family.) up for school and out the door. Twin 1 had an appointment that Daughter Solo was bringing him to, so he was blissfully enjoying the sleep while I got ready for my Chemo Day. I stood in the pretty vacant closet looking through my small amount of chemo clothes, tops with low front necks and a light jacket for the cooler building, and couldn't pick out a thing to wear. I've worn my same outfits time and time again and they are wearing down pretty quickly and I'm so tired of wearing the same four things. So, after I put on my usual outfit, I headed out the door to run to my favorite morning stop, my local Chick-Fil-A. After a quick in and out, I hit the road, weaving through morning traffic, and headed to my appointment.
Even checking in wasn't an easy process. There was an open lady, but she struggled to get her computer up and running to check me in for my appointments. So, I patiently waiting for the other lady to finish with the patient in front of me. After putting my arm band on, checking me in, and accepting my payment she attempted to print my receipt. Yes, attempted. Of course, the printer wasn't working properly (for me). She was able to print the receipt for the patient in front of me, and while we were waiting, the first check-in lady was able to print a receipt for the gentleman behind me. My lady told me that at least I was checked in, so I told her I was going to sit down and she could catch me on the other side. I entered the lab area pretty quickly, got my port accessed, and headed to the doctor's waiting area.
By the time I went to the restroom after checking in with the doctor's desk, the nurse was already calling back. Hey, things are looking up. Psssh, naive Steenie.
My eccentric oncologist entered the room, pushing his computer station, and started asking the usual questions. I started filling him in on the many symptoms that I had since my last chemo session. The two of us really are too much for each other and I feel that without my husband there, we have a hard time staying on task. That's a lie, haha. No, the two of us have a hard time staying on task anyway. We get the business done, but he has a tendency to go off subject with some strange things and I have a tendency to over share, talk fast, and ramble on excessively. So, between the two of us, it's a perfect relationship. Anyway, I told him about the usual side effects, realizing later that I missed a few. But, that happens and they were the less important side effects. While the discussion is going on, he looked down at his feet and snickered. The man had on two different shoes; very similar, yet different. So, of course, I had to share my story of showing up for soccer pictures as the coach wearing two sneakers. We talked a few minutes on the subject of his different shoes. He analyzed the differences (They really looked quite similar). One shoe was more of a casual sneaker; the other was a hiking shoe and had better support. Yet, they were both tan, suede-ish, brow-toed, and orange-trimmed. He had to wiggle his feet and walk a little. I'm still talking about my shoe adventure; both of us giggling. Yes, we really were meant to be together during this cancer thing; my husband leaving the room, shaking his head after every appointment.
Back on subject...my mind has a tendency to focus on the 'little' details, the things most people aren't concerned about. The following questions run down that line. I asked them in a pretty rapid fire manner, threw my doctor off completely, and had to repeat them slower so they could each be answered. My doctor must think I'm crazy with these weird questions. Psssh, Steenie Luck in effect.
Question #1. "On the second page of the weekly lab reports my glucose levels are high. Today was the highest. Does Chemo cause high glucose?" "No, but (There's always a "but".) the steroids can cause it to be high." Click, click, click. "Can you tell me what today's was, it'll take me a minute to get to that screen?" "Yes, let me grab my results." Hmm, guess I should have waited for him to finish from the last discussion. "It's a 179. I know the other weeks have been high, also." "I see. 134, 145, and today's 179 are the last three. I may need to put you on medication for it." "Okay, so, the medication can make it high. I was worried that I might need to watch for diabetes because it runs in my family." He gave me a dead stare. "I/It(sic) can push you into diabetes." Oh, f#ck!ng great. "Really?" "What did you eat this morning?" "My usual Friday Treat Myself Chick-Fil-A." "I wish you could check it every day. I'm curious (A favorite word of his.) to see what the levels are on non-appointment days." "Oh, I can do that. My mother-in-law has a tester that she is supposed to use regularly, but I'm pretty sure she doesn't." I wish she would take better care of herself. "I'll get it from her and check it."
Question #2. "Is it possible to get lymphedema on the side that didn't have lymph nodes removed?" I'm so ridiculous. Dead stare. "Yes, it is. It would be a very rare occurrence, but it's possible." Oh, sh!t. Can't I catch a break? Of course not, fool. You have Steenie Luck. I listed what I was experiencing and he frowned. "How do I watch for lymphedema?" "Measure your arms daily, keep a log, and watch for swelling." "Okay, I can do that. Also, did you see my bruise from last week's needle fun?" "Wow!" as he makes an ugly face." Let me look at all of your levels." Click, click, click. "Your levels have been high enough that I don't think we need to have weekly blood tests unless you start running a fever." "What?" I'm too shocked and in denial that I can have some of my Fridays open again. "What about my white cell count and my neutrophils?" "Even though they get low, they are high enough to not be a concern unless you run fever." Woohoo.
Question #3. "My allergist is concerned about my heart. I had an appointment to get my pulmonary test done and the results were great, even higher than expected. My lungs are great and my asthma is under control. I do have a cold, but everything is good. Everything is good, except my symptoms. I get out of breath just talking and walking short distances. My chest hurts when I lie down, feeling like a ton of bricks are on it, leaving me gasping for air. She believes I need to see a Cardiologist." "Well, that can all come from the chemo and is probably not something to worry about." "Good, so you don't think it's the Herceptin?" "I'm scheduling you for an Echo cardiogram just to be sure." Poo, he's just being optimistic. "Okay, great. Better safe than sorry." "Exactly, but I really think it's nothing." Doesn't he know me by now? Every one's last famous last words to me...I really think it's nothing.
Finally, I headed to chemo and got the poison pumping through my veins. But, where's my mother-in-law? The phone rang. She had some complications arise and was running late. This was delayed. This grandchild needed this. This grandchild needed that. Great, I've shared my Steenie's Luck. Lunch before I finish chemo is out now. New plan. I sent her to get Twin 1 to meet me at lunch after I finished my chemo. So, I sat through chemo without lunch. I'd turned Daughter Solo down for a brunch visit. Tis' the way of Steenie Luck. Finally, I made it to the restaurant around 1:30. I read in the car for a bit until my m-i-l called to tell me she was ten minutes out. She'd caught the long train (We have 30-60 minute long trains at times.) and was finally on her way. I went inside and ordered an appetizer. She and my son finally showed up and we ate lunch around 2:15. As I sat listening to my m-il's day, I couldn't help but feel bad that I'd spread my awful mojo to her. Her day was longer than mine. As we sat there, we realized that Twin 2 didn't have a key to get in the house and would be getting off the bus shortly. She rushed to the house with Twin 1. I headed to Target, because I had more refills (as always).
I spent forty minutes waiting for the refills to be ready while I browsed the Clearance aisles. Waited in line for the refills. Hugged the pharmacists. Got lectured by the pharmacists for being out and about. And, finally headed home in school traffic. Several bus stops later, I finally made it in the door at 4:15pm. It was a loooong day. Exhausted, I relayed my news to my sister and my husband; all of us feeling like I can't catch a break. This was the point when I posted yesterday's blog. AAAHHH!! That said it all.
Everything just keeps piling up and it's hard. So, insomnia hit last night and I didn't fall asleep until around 3am. I've been up since 530am with symptoms already flaring up and exhaustion setting in, too.
Not the way to start the post-chemo weeks. Since I'm awake, I figured I'd write a blog explaining my scream. I'll update some more in the next few days (if I'm up for it) because I still haven't told you all about Chemo #3. And, it was another doozy. Apparently, I get the privilege of experiencing something new with each treatment. But, that's another story for another day.
I leave you with this. A perfect dramatic illustration of my day and weeks.
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